You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
