Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
