he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
