Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
