We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
