I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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