can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
