Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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