Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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