i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
