Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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