so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Are we in a gay sports bar?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize