is your mom at the bar?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
