my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
