ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
