Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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