I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
