I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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