my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
