I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
