Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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