he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
