I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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