Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
