There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
