yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
