So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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