your parents love me but you hate me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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