Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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