how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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