Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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