Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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