i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
