My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize