either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize