Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
