So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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