yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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