Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
