oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
