Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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