Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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