i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize