If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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