So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
