He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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