i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
