i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
