omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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