When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
