I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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