This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
