Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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