Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
