So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
