Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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