My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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