oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize