Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
