my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
