I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
me + whiskey = a bad person
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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