Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize