Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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