I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
