So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
