they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She told me I should be a condom model.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
