Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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