I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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