Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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