my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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